• What did you think when you first saw them? Was it love at first sight?

• At what moment did you know this person was the one you wanted to marry? Why?

• When did you realise you were in love?

• What are the little things they do for you that you appreciate?

• What are the little things you do for them that they appreciate?

• What do you want to work on in your relationship to make it even stronger? Tip: this can be serious – or not. Not leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor would actually save arguments in our houses

• What do you have now that you didn’t before? Tip: think head and heart, not material things. For example, ‘an appreciation for homemade pasta’ or ‘a newfound open-mindedness and acceptance of people, thanks to our time exploring the world’.

• What have they taught you? Tip: be serious and lighthearted too. For example, ‘You’ve taught me to stand up for the things I believe in. And you’ve taught me the many virtues of watching cricket. Actually, no, we’re still working on that’.

• Have you gone through adversity together? What did it mean to you to have them by your side?

• What inspires you about them?

• What do you respect most about them?

• What does marriage mean to you?

• What are you most looking forward to for your shared future?

• What goals and values do you both share? Tip: again, feel free to get playful. For example, you might share a mutual appreciation for a crisp craft beer to kick off a Saturday, or a Wednesday night Netflix-and-chill – but with actual Netflix.

• What do you miss most about them when they’re away?

• What’s your fave thing about them?

• What’s the most annoying thing that they do?

• Where was your first date? How did it go?

• What’s the most embarrassing moment you’ve had together?

• How about the most romantic moment?

• What special quirk do you love about them that no one else would realise?

• Have you travelled together? What did that teach you about them?

• Did you guys have a rocky start? Why, and what made you guys overcome it?

• Do they have a sporting team, band, clothing item or event they’re obsessed with?

• What have you experienced together that you never would have on your own?

That’s seriously the hard part done. Now that you’ve fleshed out some of your relationship history, highlight the answers that stand out to you as the most poignant, insightful, heartfelt and fun. You don’t need to do this immediately – return to it in a few days’ time and then review. Your favourite answers will stand out. These are the answers you want to take elements from to weave into your vows.

Next step: agree on a format (refer back to ‘The format’ section above). Then, pick some promise starters and vow starters from below, or make up your own. Use your highlighted answers from the questions above and start playing around with words.

And… you’re doing it! You are now officially writing your vows.